A river of (pee) runs through it....

yes yes. You're probably didn't think from my title that this entry would be about Preakness 2007... but you'll later piece two and two together and understand why. We joined about 30 other people to jump on a "party bus" to preakness, which is held in Baltimore about an hour away. The kid that planned this soiree.. Rocky, is pretty much amazing. He needs to plan all events. First off, this event is a shit show--- people go to get dressed up, wear hats, and watch the horses. Rocky turned Preakness into his wedding--- to show how excited he was for it. He had been planning this for awhile... and ran with the wedding theme. We got invitations in the mail... that mirrored what a wedding invite would look like. He also had a rehearsal dinner on the water front in georgetown n Friday night... but unfortunatly we couldn't make it.... he obviously got shirts made as well!

A few friends and I went to Walmart/Cosco and stocked up for the event. We definitely created a few stares in the stores.. and one woman was like "you guys going camping for awhile" haha no camping, just one day.

We were awake by 6:30am, and dressed in cabs by 7:40 on our way to meet at Rocky's apt. There were about 30 people there... and we didn't know most of them. I forgot to ad that everyone had roles... yes roles, just like a wedding. K1, K2, Av and I were the drunk aunts... you better believe we played our roles well. Oh. Ps. I've decided to not use real names in this blog.... not that they are hard to figure out... but just decided to keep my friends anonymous... just in case.

Here are some examples.. Rocky was the Bride and he was marrying Preakness.

Preakness Fever
May 19, 2007


Wedding Party:

Best Man:
Jason
My roommate, the back bone of Preakness. Words can’t express how important JT has been in my relationship to Preakness. There were times when my commitment to Preakness was tested. Other horse racing events like Foxfields and Gold Cup caught my eye. JT never let my eye wander and reminded me how lucky I was to have Preakness. Can’t wait for his speech on the bus.

Groomsmen:
Tim

A member of the inner circle, Tim has been a part of Preakness fever since Day 1. While his talk of creating a Preakness documentary fell through, he was the man who designed Preakness Fever T shirts. His catch phrase AAAAA-----OOOOOO will be reverberating around not only the bus but Pimlico Race track.

Russ

The driver of the operation Russ’ commitment to Preakness was at first luke warm. However, after our trip to the Races at Laurel Park Russ caught a horrible case of the Fever. I think seeing Quin hit a $300 trifecta helped. If something happens to the bus driver Russ will be stepping in and like Eddie Money he’ll be “Taking Me Home Tonight.”

Maid of Honor:
Quin

AKA the Queen of Preakness. Quin was the first person to embrace Preakness and most important the first to pay! There is only one problem, it’s never a comfortable situation when the Maid of Honor is prettier than the bride, so don’t stand too close to me Quin.

Bridesmaids:
Alexis

Every wedding has one and this one wouldn’t be complete without it… a drunk bridesmaid. We’ve all seen this classic scene of Americana, a 20 something young woman dressed in a nice dress who decides that free champagne means drink till you throw up on your peach colored dress. As long as she doesn’t spill on you it’s actually fun to watch.

Reagan

Every wedding also has one of these, a sober bridesmaid who has to deal with the drunken bridesmaid. Never fun to be this girl. Always super attractive and looking fantastic in her dress but unfortunately it won’t matter because she’ll spend most of the event holding the hair back of her fellow bridesmaid.

Flower Girls:
Shelton Smallwood and Jay-
Can’t think of anyone better to fill this roll than two gay black guys.

Wedding Participants:

Father of the Bride:
Ryan “Madden” Sternoff
Madden, went to school with me in San Diego and is flying in from Seattle for Preakness. While Madden is the father of the bride for Preakness his parenting skills may need some fine tuning; his wife Jodi in back home in Seattle 7 months pregnant and Madden decided now was as good a time as any to fly across the country to get drunk with some strangers at a race track.

Priest:
Todd Bennett
Todd’s a friend from college who agreed to fly out from LA for Preakness Fever back in February. Of the 33 people attending Preakness Fever, Todd probably knows more about horse racing than any of us. When the last race comes and we all need a desperately need a winning pick we might have to seek counsel from Todd. He also can perform the last rites for anyone that can’t make it back on the bus.

Black Cousin:
Marvin Washington
When I say black cousin I don’t mean Black Sheep I mean actually black. While not every family has a “black cousin” they do have a cousin that doesn’t seem to fit. It wouldn’t shock me if Marvin ended up on a different bus after the Preakness or more likely brings a plus one and doesn’t tell anyone about it. Next thing you know we’ll have 34 people on a 33 passenger bus.

Single Uncle:
Brendan
I went to Grad School with Brendan thus I have known him longer than anyone from DC on the bus. BCole has never missed a Fox party in DC, and I expect him to be the big winner at the track just like he was when he won the raffle at Congressional Birthday party.

Drunk Aunts:
K1, Av ,K2, KT
This group is about one thing getting hammered. They won’t even make it to the actual ceremony; they’ll probably end up lying on the grass in the courtyard of the church wasted. I’m sure they will make it to the pre and post game fun on the bus but won’t waste their time sitting with the other guests.

The Guy Who Hooks Up With the Drunk Bridesmaid:
Ryan
Someone always tries to take advantage of the bridesmaid that drank too much champagne. At first this guy is all about “taking care of her” but the next thing you know he has he pinned in a corner and they’re going at it. They will be the talk of the good-bye brunch.

Best Man’s Wife:
Krystina

Think Vince Vaughn’s wife in Wedding Crashers. One of the worst positions to be in at the wedding. You’re close to the best man but the best man thinks this day is about him. He’s acting like a drunken frat boy instead of the loving husband you married. Just remember to cut him some slack he’s there to support his boy and no matter what happens on Friday or Saturday I am sure he will apologize on Sunday.

So... as you can see, he really paid attention to details. It just made the day so much more fun though... He was a great host! He even had a CD.. that played living on a prayer "we're half way there" when we were 1/2 way to the track. He even had "move bitch" playing when we were stuck in traffic!

We got there and the craziness continued. Most of the people on our bus sat in "real" seats. But my friends and I decided to go all out and try out the infield. Literally thousands apon thousands of people.... wasted. It's like spring break times 10 with no beach. It was great though! We camped out and just drank and drank. At one time I kinda realized I was def not in college anymore.. which was sad. The girls passed out, throwing up all over themselves, and trying to bang any guy around... was a little pathetic to me. Sad just a few years ago that would have been me! minus the latter of course. Regardless it was a great time! We moved a little closer to the fence where we could actually see the horses. K1 was amazing with knowing the race terms.. so she helped us all out--she was the only one who won $$ though! K2's ex boyfriend was visiting from Colorado and came with us.... they dated for 5 years and broke up about a year ago. It's amazing they can still be friends.... I think they will end up getting married----although they are both seeing other people right now... but that's just me. He doesn't know that her boyfriend in dc is flying her out to south carolina next weekend... then meeting us in hilton head. I guess sometimes it's better not knowing. Anyway... he was great and we had a good time with him.

The sickest thing was going to the bathroom. Thank god I was wasted because peeing in between busses, on the floor, etc etc... was pretty much your only option. The portapottys were full.. yes full.. it was the groset thing I've seen in awhile. You were forced to just pee on the floor. AHHHHHH. just thinking about it sober makes me want to throw up. For those who know me.. I am NOT a bathroom talk kind of person.. so standing it in.. was pretttttty much nasty. We brought sanitiser wipes in preparation for this... so you better believe those came in handy!

The Best part.. I repeat best part of the night was the bus ride back. Everyone was so drunk. Our bus driver got lost in downtown Baltimore and we ended up in the straight ghetto. Like see in movies ghetto. Of course... he lets all 30 of us preppy kids off the bus at a mcdonalds. Yah.. that's a grand idea.. dump off tons of guys in seer sucker suits and girls and lilly and madras print from j.crew.. we won't stick out like a SORE thumb! Most people passed out after the mcD's stop..but myself and a few others were up. Apparently some girl in town from out of state slept with the best man on the trip on Friday night. Welll... the best man decided to flirt and make out with another girl all day saturday and continued to hook up with her on the bus ride home. Well, the chick from Friday night was not having this.. She stood up in front of the entire bus and was like.. You little fucker!!! how dare you do this. And YOU. SLUT (to the girl) you know we had sex last night...why are you making out in front of me. She was so drunk, that it was hilarious. We were dying. So awkward yet so funny. So Av I were still up.. and we start looking around because we didn't know which guy she was talking about. Then.. we say the guilty kid... kinda leaning down in his seat. For those of us not involved, we kept egging her on.. someone was like.. so are you going to hook up with him again... and crazy chick was like "you better believe I am.... even though it wasn't that great" hahahaha. Polka dot dress girl who was making out with the best man and getting yelled at by crazy chick.. just whipped out her cell phone and nervously started texting.... you could tell she would have gotten out and walked home if she had the option. Once we got back to dc... she practically sprinted off the bus and ran to the neartest cab.

So today in my IN box I get the following e-mail which had been forwarded to me:

Hey Best Man (names changed again),
I just wanted to apologize for my drunken craziness on the bus ride home. i know it wasn't a big deal for you, but i have never done anything like that and had a harder time with it than i thought. but it was pretty amazing (even though it told you it wasn't, i was just pissed). so thank you and i hope that if i ever see you again things would be cool.

Crazy Chick
Doctoral Student

-YUP! you read that write. She is a Doctoral Student!! I didn't know which was better.. the fact she wrote an i'm so sorry email, or that she was a Doctoral Student. In a way I felt for her.. and what Best man did was pretty shitty.... It's hard to sleep with someone then less than 24 hours later see him all over some other girl--- no matter what the circumstance is. Buuttttt she was crazy none-the-less.

Sunday was spent passed out on a lawn chair, drooling in between the cracks for 5 hours by the pool.... much needed after that day!